In Love With An Introvert? My Husband Is, Too
Geplaatst op 12-06-2025
Categorie: Lifestyle
Extroversion: “the act, state, or habit of being predominantly concerned with and obtaining gratification from what is outside the self”
Introversion: “the state of or tendency toward being wholly or predominantly concerned with and interested in one’s own mental life”. (source: Wikipedia)
Alternate Definitions: Extrovert=my husband Introvert=Me
When the words introvert and extrovert come to mind, most people immediately think shy and quiet vs. talkative people person. These can be traits, but the more accurate definition is the one above: are you looking primarily outward, or does your focus tend to turn within?
I’m no behavior specialist, but they say these tendencies fall on a continuum; most people aren’t wholly one or wholly the other; except my husband and me. It’s safe to say that even with the little variances here and there, the two of us fit pretty squarely at each end.
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It’s not that I don’t like people, and given the social situation, I can be a talker, but I would feel quite at home spending hours, or days, lost in the world of my own thoughts, surprising myself with what’s around the next corner of my own mind. I am content sitting on the couch with a book, or looking out the window, or just being alone with me in a quiet room.
My husband would be bored to tears with the same set up after a few minutes. He would go find a neighbor, the TV would come on, or he would just start being loud. (I know extrovert isn’t synonymous with loud—but in my husband’s case, earplugs recommended.) He is that guy who can usually start talking to anybody about anything in any situation, while I’m usually walking the perimeter of the room, figuring out how to be involved in a task so I’m not involved in the awkwardness of knowing what to say to strangers out loud.
Most of the time, this personality difference provides a good balance. He encourages my voice in situations where I might be a little more shy; and I balance his tendency to be outward focused by leading him to be a little more introspective.
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But sometimes it doesn’t work; case in point, last weekend. We went to a friend’s birthday dinner and I had been excited to go. But by the time dinner was over, I was ready to go home. It’s not that I didn’t have a good time; I enjoyed myself. But after three hours of socializing, I was ready to stop socializing. Exhaustion and an upset stomach also probably played a role.
But for me, being social means having to turn “on.” Almost like a light bulb, it takes energy for me to interact in a large group of people. It doesn’t mean that I don’t like doing it, but if I can’t turn off at some point, I burn out. Not so for my husband; for him people are the energy. The off switch gets dull and boring after a while.
Left unchecked, these differences can be a problem, and, although I am biased because I am the introvert, they usually become the introverts problem, because being an introvert is never quite looked at as a positive thing. When you need that down time, you’re encouraged to come out of your shell, (Why? It actually is quite cozy in here!) and get then faced with choosing between two options: just going along, or looking like a stick in the mud when you don’t want to.
To avoid having your opposite personalities clash in a social situation, try a few of these tips:
-Balance your social activities When deciding on date night or other activities, try to have a healthy mix of one-on-one activities vs. group interaction. Be open to spending some of your nights together with a group, and others alone together.
-Touch base early on expectations— Before you head to an event touch base one how long you plan to stay. Have a signal (like get me the hell out of here!) when it’s time to go.
-Know it’s okay to sometimes do things separately. Even if you are going to the same event, taking separate cars can be a smart move if you know your spouse is determined to linger and you want to cut it off at a couple of hours.
Do you have a similar personality difference in your relationship? Do you do any of the things above to balance it out? What are your tips?